Saving You
by eliza-w
Summary: Tag for 'Heart'. Spoilers for season 2


A/N: I was trying my best to not write a tag for 'Heart' but after 2 weeks of trying, but I failed... Anyway, there are spoilers here for season two, starting from the episode 'Hunted' (episode 10) until 'Heart' (episode 17).

* * *

"_He just said that I had to save you, that nothing else mattered; and that if I couldn't, I'd…That I'd have to kill you. He said that I might have to kill you, Sammy." _

"_If I ever turn into something that I'm not, you have to kill me. Dean, please. You have to promise me."_

"_I promise."_

"_When I think about my destiny, when I think about how I could end up..."  
"Yeah, well don't worry about that, alright. I'm watching out for you."  
"Yeah, I know you are. But you're just one person Dean."_

"_Dean, the yellow-eyed demon, you know he has plans for me and we both know he's turned other children into killers before too."  
"No one can control you but you."  
"Sure doesn't seem like that Dean. It feels like no matter what I do, slowly but surely I'm, I'm just becoming…who I'm meant to be."_

"_I was awake for some of it Dean. I watched myself kill Wandell with my own two hands. I saw the light go out in his eyes."  
"That must have been awful."  
"That's not my point. I almost carved up Jo too but no matter what I did you wouldn't shoot."  
"Sam, when Dad told me I had to kill you, it was only if I couldn't save you. Now, if it's the last thing I do, I'm gonna save you."_

* * *

Saving You

Dean was packing his bag for the second time this week. The first time was when they left Sam Francisco and today it was just because they were suppose to check out in a couple of hours. Sam was sitting by the table with his untouched dinner. This worried Dean. It has been a week since Sam pulled the trigger on Madison and he hasn't been the same since. Dean knew that Sam was thinking. Sam always got quiet when he was thinking.

Dean wouldn't really care if it was just Sam being his moody self. He would always open up to Dean in the end. But this time around Dean worried that Sam might end up in the hospital first. He has barely eaten anything nor had proper sleep since they arrived here. Sam tried to act like his usual self but Dean could see right through it. Even now Sam was just sitting there poking his food, thinking.

"Sam, you ok?" He got no response. "Sammy?"

"Huh?"

"Is something wrong?"

"No. Why would you think that?"

"Well, for starters, you've been playing with your food for almost an hour."

Only then did Sam notice that he had blend his food into some disgusting looking mush. "I guess I'm not hungry."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"You do realize that you haven't been hungry for the past week, don't you?"

"I guess," Sam, answered without a second thought, before standing up to throw the food away. Then went over to he pack his own bag.

Dean watched as his brother walking to his bed. He doesn't believe that Sam just let an opportunity to talk just like that when he would usually be first in line to do so. "Oh, come on. Who're you trying to kid here?"

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked confused.

"I'm talking about you and the way you've been acting all week."

"I haven't done anything," Sam said becoming even more confused.

Dean didn't know if Sam was playing dumb to irritate him or was really that oblivious to what he's been doing or not doing. "That's exactly my point. It's not like you. You annoy me with whatever that's bothering you. Now you sit around looking like a kicked-puppy. I know you man. And after last week… "

Sam sat on the edge of his bed. "So you noticed huh?"

"Of course I noticed. A blind man would notice," Dean said as he sat on his own bed. "Now would you tell me what's bothering you?"

Sam gave a slight smile. The most genuine one Dean had seen for the past week. "What happened to no chick-flick moments?"

"You always seem to get a kick out of them, it's my turn."

Dean was surprised to get a chuckle out of Sam for that one. "It's just…" Sam sighed. "I let myself have feelings for someone for the first time after so long."

"I know."

"The last time I let myself feel like that for someone was Jess. And know they're both gone."

"Neither of it is your fault."

Sam walked to the window. He stared out of it not wanting to face Dean. "It's not about that. It's not about Jess. It's about me shooting Madison. It's about me killing someone."

"She was a werewolf, Sam. And she begged you. It was her choice. It doesn't make you a murderer."

"Maybe not. But killing Steve Wandell does."

"That wasn't you," Dean retorted. "It was Meg or whatever her name was." Sam remained silent. "Hey, you listening to me?"

Sam turned towards his brother. "It might as well have been. I was awake for it but I didn't do anything."

"You couldn't have done anything, Sam. What part of possessed don't you get?" Dean said, desperately trying to get through to his brother. Sam didn't need another burden on his shoulders.

"Dad fought the yellow-eyed demon. I should have too."

Dean went over to his brother. "You could have but for how long? A second? A minute? No matter how long you kept her in control, Meg would have killed him eventually. You know that."

"Doesn't make it easier."

Dean sat back Sam's bed. "Nothing is." He leaned against the headboard. "Not for us."

Sam dropped beside Dean. "Life sucks."

"Tell me about it." Dean was waiting for more. He knew that there was something else. "That's it?" he asked when Sam didn't continue.

Sam looked at Dean. "What do you mean?"

"You've been quiet and moody for the past week. There's more. Spill it."

Sam turned his head to look in front. "When I saw Madison on the floor after I… next time I could be in her place and you…"

"Could be in yours? Sam, I told you it's not gonna happen. I'm gonna save you no matter what."

"Just like I wanted to save Madison? Or Ava?" Dean got off the bed and continued packing.

"Ava could be fine for all we know."

"The demon has her Dean."

"She could have escaped. We have before."

"She's not us. She hasn't gone through a lifetime of training."

"Anything could have happened Sam. But one thing's for sure, you couldn't have done anything."

"Yeah, I know."

Dean stopped in his tracks, glad to hear Sam's words but he knew that there was one more person they had to talk about. "And I'm sorry about what happened to Madison. I really am but both of you are in two very different situations. She couldn't be helped."

"It wasn't her fault," Sam said sadly.

"Of course it wasn't. It rarely is," replied Dean sympathetically. "But it still doesn't change the fact that you can choose what you want to do with your abilities, she couldn't."

"I'm not so sure."

"I told you before Sam. No one can control you but you." Sam looked at Dean puzzled. Dean didn't notice until he noticed that Sam didn't say anything. "What?"

"You never said that to me."

Dean realized that he mentioned that when Sam was possessed. "Well, I'm telling you now."

"Sometimes I feel things are spinning out of control."

Dean zipped his bag and sat on Sam's bed. "Hate to break it to you but things were out of control since puberty."

Sam laughed at that comment. "Yeah, I remember the trouble you got yourself into."

"Let me rephrase that. Things got out of control since you hit puberty."

"Really? How so?"

"You became a pain in the ass."

"And you were the ass."

"Yes. Wait, n-"

"Too late. You said yes," Dean was about to respond but Sam cut in. "No do-overs." Dean scowled. Sam couldn't help himself but to tease Dean. "Getting slow in your old age, Dean."

"And the pain keeps growing."

Sam chuckled before he got up to continue packing. "She was right."

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Who?"

"Madison was right."

"About what?"

"By doing what I did, I saved her. So if you have to go through with your promise, I want you to know that you would be saving me." Knowing that Dean was waiting for more Sam continued. "That's it."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Good, 'cause if I had to sit for another second of it, I would blow my brains out"

"Hey, you wanted to talk."

"I've learned my lesson." Sam rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna go get us something for the road, you pack up before I get back."

"Hey Dean."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry about what I said in the parking lot the other day. You know, before we found Madison."

"Oh God! I thought you were done."

"I am…now."

"Keep it that way." Dean turned to leave.

"Hey Dean."

"What?!"

"Could you get me some dinner?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Three hours later, they were back on the road. Sam finished his dinner for the first time in days and was actually getting some sleep. Although how he could sleep in the car with those freakishly long legs was still a wonder to Dean.

Dean kept replaying their earlier conversation in his head, especially the last part. _"So if you have to go through with your promise, I want you to know that you would be saving me." _

He glanced at Sam, something he has been doing more and more recently. Just to make sure that he's there. You couldn't be sure with Sam now days. One minute he's there and the next he's gone.

"_So if you have to go through with your promise, I want you to know that you would be saving me." _

"_Maybe I'll save you if I go through with it, Sam. But who's gonna save me after that? Things have been spinning out of control since Mom died. Dad started his quest for revenge. We never had a real home, moving all over the country. You were the only one who I could always count on, even when you were in Stanford. And after Dad you're the only one that has been keeping me sane. I need you, man. Now more than ever." _

Dean blinked the tears away. No way was he going to cry. Not now. He glanced back at his brothers' sleeping form. _"But a promise is a promise right? And I promise, Sam. I promise to never have to go through with _that_ promise. I promise that I will never kill you. I promise that I'll save you, my way."_


End file.
